Colin

When Colin did to Western come,
And scaled the slopes of UC's mount,
He turned, and turning saw afar
Great Throngs of Students past all count.
                    Help, oh Provost, Prez, and Soph,
                    Or this day we will rue!
                    Help, oh Senate, help oh Prof!
                    These imps will us undoe!

Now, Colin hail'd from Brampton far,
A simple soul, he'd ne'er the time
To chase the wisps of academe
But thus astonish'd, took to rhyme.
                    Help, oh Provost, Prez, and Soph,
                    Or this day we will rue!
                    Help, oh Senate, help oh Prof!
                    These imps will us undoe!

First came the Artists, fleck'd with turps
Their souls aflame, a breed apart.
"What, paint a tree? a flow'r? a face?
"A colour'd blet — now that's true art!
                    Help, oh Provost, Prez, and Soph,
                    Or this day we will rue!
                    Help, oh Senate, help oh Prof!
                    These imps will us undoe!

Then followed the Sophists, philos wise
Life's mysteries, they'd explored the lot.
Could Plato, Hume, Spinoza cite,
— But where they liv'd too oft forgot.
                    Help, oh Provost, Prez, and Soph,
                    Or this day we will rue!
                    Help, oh Senate, help oh Prof!
                    These imps will us undoe!

And then there are they who fancy Sums
In Figures hunt they Truths that be
But tell me please, the truth of Smiles
“Why, twelve, o’re four – Smiles equal three!
                  Help, oh Provost, Prez, and Soph,
                  Or this day we will rue!
                  Help, oh Senate, help oh Prof!
                  These imps will us undoe!

Of Hist’ry’s Child I will speak now,
As Roman Tales tell, also Greek
But what thoughts have thou of the Morrow?
“Prithee good sir, Ask me next week!
                  Help, oh Provost, Prez, and Soph,
                  Or this day we will rue!
                  Help, oh Senate, help oh Prof!
                  These imps will us undoe!

Politicals ran Left and Right
To scold weak Sophs t’ward Some Campaign
And yet they’d push in class Debate
For any Side (since Cromwell’s Reign.)
                    Help, oh Provost, Prez, and Soph,
                    Or this day we will rue!
                    Help, oh Senate, help oh Prof!
                    These imps will us undoe!

Next Builders boasted mighty Tools
To raise an Arch with Muscles flex’d
But Blast! How could it fall when Minds
Had weigh’d this Task four years in Text?
                  Help, oh Provost, Prez, and Soph,
                  Or this day we will rue!
                  Help, oh Senate, help oh Prof!
                  These imps will us undoe!